fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
