did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
