I am puke
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
