Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
