You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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