Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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