...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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