from now on my penis is your penis
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
