im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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