Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
