Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
