New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
