My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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