I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
