i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
