i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
