you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
