He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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