it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
