hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
