u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
