I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
