i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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