I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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