I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
