Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
dude i'm inner monologue high
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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