just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
