my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
