When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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