no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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