Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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