I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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