you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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