I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
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