you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
