I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
