is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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