12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He felt like a one man threesome
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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