So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
