i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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