Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
