well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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