I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
