bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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