When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
