A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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