I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
