I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
