Well douche your snatch and let's go!
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
