Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
